I am Venus

As anyone who has followed this blog knows, I started as a comedian telling jokes in a corset between tease numbers. I fell in love with the people involved and the whole idea of burlesque. The glitter, beauty, and acceptance I found in this community changed my life. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of singing on stage, but I never felt like I could. Performing stand up with Green Mountain Cabaret changed all that. Once I made it know that I wanted to sing, I was encouraged to audition for a variety spot to mix it up.

I never went back to stand up. I was in love with dressing up and spinning a spell of melody over the audience. The rush I received from that trumped even the most cacophonous laughter I ever received telling jokes. For about a year and a half I performed when I was booked building my confidence and slowly warming to baring my life dream on stage for all to see. Then realized I gained back half the weight I had lost and was feeling awful. My body disgusted me. I hated my clothes. I felt like an elephant lumbering through my life. Oddly enough, my response to this was to change what I was doing for our “Feels Like the First Time” show. It was my first time performing in months and I wanted to come back with a hit. I hated the idea of doing “Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend”, the first number I ever sang, so I tossed the idea and opted to go for a different first.

I got on the stage in February in my new red wrap dress, terrified of what I was about to do, but determined to see it through. Each line got me closer and closer to the musical break until finally, it arrived. I stepped away from the microphone and reached for my bow. Gripping it tightly, I began to pull and as it unraveled the audience lost their minds. It was like they all realized at the same moment what was happening. I couldn't hear a thing as I removed my dress and tried to remember the very basic choreography I had planned. The screaming pushed me to my limit and I belted the bridge as I removed my bra the way I had seen the girls do so many times on this very stage. 

The song ended and I walked off the stage as quickly as I could without looking like I was running away. I heard nothing, I saw nothing. All I could think was, “Where the hell is my dress??” I don't remember the rest of the show. Suddenly we were done with our group shot at the photo booth and we were being sent off to mingle. The steady stream of fans, former troupe members, and friends were a blur. I remember comments about waiting three years to see me do that and how the number was amazing and then I got naked and it was even BETTER! The rest of the night is still hazy to me, but I had done it. I bared the body I had despised for most of my life to an entire audience and they loved every second of it. They treated it like this gift I had given them.

During a conversation about burlesque with a visiting performer over wine, cheese, and pizza we discussed what made us consider dancing. I confessed what drove me and he responded by telling me I was a goddess. I blushed and mumbled something resembling thanks and he said, “No really, you have the body of a goddess.” He brought up the photo of a sculpture of Venus that was found in Austria dating back to between 28,000 and 25,000 BCE. He was right, she looked just like me. I did research and smiled as I read different details on the piece. My favorite was how they mentioned it's purpose may have been “for ecstatic-state fertility rituals or even as a masturbation aid”.

Venus von Willendorf

I am Venus.

The Roman goddess of love...

Of beauty...

Of sex...

Of fertility...

Of prosperity...

Of victory...

Of desire, enticement, and seduction.

She is named after the Latin noun VENUS meaning “sexual love / desire”. I should never hate the body I have, especially if there is occasionally more of it to worship.

I am Venus.