So many people talk about who they
admire and list actors, musicians, Kardashians, politicians, family
members, or athletes. They will discuss a painting, song, or ballet
that moved them so deeply it hurt. For me, it's burlesque dancers.
I sing as a variety act with the Green Mountain Cabaret in Vermont. When I'm not on the stage, I'm behind
it making sure the show goes as planned and the audience has the best
experience possible. I can't imagine not being a part of the
community that has had such an impact on my life and all around self
image for the last three years.
It all started at a Halloween party
where this girl walked up to me and said, “You're pretty, can we be
friends?” We talked most of the night and I discovered that she was
part of a new neo-burlesque troupe that would be holding auditions in
the next few weeks. When it came up that I had been doing stand-up
locally, she encouraged me to audition for a variety act slot. From
there I was sucked into a world of glitter, high heels, pasties, and
body love. I had never seen anything like it.
The first show I attended we somehow
accomplished front row seats. I was in awe of all the shiny happy
people. Women and men of varying shapes and sizes putting themselves
out there and making the audience beg to see more. I was booked for
their next month's show to do a five minute set, which worked out
perfectly considering most of my jokes were based on my boobs. Often
I wore a corset when I did comedy to play up the whole busty blonde
bit, but there it felt different. Backstage I had a frank and
incredibly helpful conversation with another performer about sex and
relationships. Every single person knew I was nervous to be there and
did everything they could to help me relax. I walked out on that
stage, still laughing from my introduction (“a balcony you could do
Shakespeare off of”) and looked out into the dark crowd to hear
this wave of love and excitement rushing at me. I was there to make
people laugh (mission accomplished BTW) but they were the ones
who made me feel more beautiful and sexy than I had in my 28 years
before that moment.
Now, I am 31 and singing instead of
doing stand-up. I realized that while it was fun to be the funny
girl, I was allowed to be sultry and enticing as well. As a girl who
has always been much larger than the media standard I never realized
I had that right. The right to dress up and feel incredibly
attractive. To tease and flirt with a faceless crowd. To have people
applaud, catcall, and become a fan of mine.
Each burlesque event I attend and every
dancer I've met has inspired me. Watching the Vermont Burlesque Festival over the last three days and interacting backstage as
assistant stage manager I've met the most amazing people. I spent
part of a tech rehearsal discussing body image with one woman who
demanded I watch her routine that night and really focus on it. She
flirted and flaunted her curves, jiggling her bits of “jelly” in
ways women don't dare to do for fear of drawing attention to the fact
that might actually have any body fat. The crowd ate it up, and to be
honest, so did I. It was mesmerizing and incredibly sexy to watch
someone literally say, “You know you want it,” while touching
what the media would call imperfections.
I admired the lines and curves of each
body as they moved across the stage sharing with us their vision.
There we performances that made me laugh until my face ached and some
that were so beautiful my heart ached. The hours of standing,
running, troubleshooting, and directing took a toll on my body but
each and every pain was worth it. I watched over fifty performances
over the last several days and each one left a mark on my heart. Some
people are moved by a symphony, others by a painting on the wall of a
museum. My soul has been moved by burlesque and I will never be the
same again.
If you haven't been to a burlesque show
before, find one. They are in every state and often monthly. Go and
see what I mean. You won't regret it.
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