My photo shoot is three days away. I just got done posting in my private event
that I wasn’t even nervous, just excited.
Then the voices kicked in.
I should only do pictures
from the front so no one can see my back fat.
I hope Christy gets Photoshop
from JVL because my skin is awful right now.
Maybe I should skip
the thongs, I have no butt.
What if I freeze and
look like I’m being forced to get naked and pose?
What if I
overcompensate by drinking too much champagne and end up red faced and sloppy?
What if….what if….imperfect….flawed….why
am I doing this?
It’s times like this that I turn to one of my best friends
and ask for help. I need her to help
squash the voices and the doubt and the fear.
She’s fiercely protective of me, even from me when I need it. After eleven years, she knows how to talk me
down and to make me feel safe.
I will make you look
amazing. It won’t be that hard because I’ve
got an amazing, beautiful model to work with.
There are angles we can do and lighting effects and alcohol and music. And I’m fun!
I’ll have you relaxed in no time.
She reminds me that it’s natural to feel imperfect. That the goal of these pictures is to look
those demons in the face and tell them to go fuck themselves. That I AM sexy and camera worthy. This is for me. I’ll have 3 women there with me who will do
everything in their power to love me, support me, calm me, and make me look on
film the way they see me.
Yes, there will be a little Photoshop to fix slight
imperfections (blemishes, random flyaway hairs), but my body will stay my own. There will be no elongating or lifting or
deleting. I don’t need it. My body is mine and it is perfect the way it
is.
Now I just need to remember that in three days…
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