I am no different from any other person. Running this page and blog does not mean that
I don’t struggle with self-love and body image.
If anything, I run this page to help me battle the negativity I
sometimes feel toward myself. Often,
when I share something it is because it is what I need to hear at the moment in
time. I do have one advantage over some
people though…I have an amazing support system.
I’m in a happy and healthy
romantic relationship. Every time he
kisses my nose or holds my hand he undoes a little more damage from my
past. His nickname for me is “Beautiful”
and my heart flutters every time he says it because he means it. He thinks I’m smart and funny and motivated
and snuggly. He says he hearts me. When I cry he kisses away my tears and tells
me there is nothing wrong with me or the way I feel. He talks me down when my depression kicks in
and holds me until I start to feel better.
He cuddles me in his sleep. He
makes me feel perfect in my imperfection.
I genuinely feel beautiful when he looks at me, which says a lot.
I have a roommate I’m particularly close to who can tell by
the look in my eyes when I’m not ok. She’ll
bake me a chocolate cake when I have a stress filled craving and will eat it
with me right out of the baking dish.
She does my makeup and goes out of her way to make me feel like a rock star. I practice stage looks with her and she is
always willing to lend me the perfect accessory to make it complete. We will curl up on the couch together and
watch movies or go shopping or go out to dinner. She takes care of me when I can’t always do
it myself. She helps me keep my sanity.
My parents watch my standup whenever a new video is posted,
even when the content is questionable. My
mom looked at some of my shoot photos and couldn’t stop telling me how great I
looked. They send me Gertrude Hawks
bunnies for Easter since they don’t sell it up here and will take me out for
Rita’s Italian Ice when I go home to visit since I love it. My dad makes me meatballs when I go home
since I never perfected them and will order me good pizza every time I’m
home. (Food is big with us, we’re
Italian.) They support me
unconditionally. The love they show me
is incredible and I feel lucky every day for the kind of relationship I have
with them.
I have a best friend who sees potential in me that I can’t
wrap my head around some days. She’ll
run her fingers through my hair to soothe a headache when I’ve had a
particularly bad day. She has no problem
with telling me like it is and knows when to pull back and coddle me a little
if I need it. I can go to her when I
feel out of control and she helps me slow down and get a grip. She would never allow me to do anything that
made me look bad in any way. When we
discussed using Photoshop to clean up my photo shoot pictures, she understood
when I said I didn’t want my body changed in any way because it would defeat
the purpose. Her goal with editing is to
show me how others see me.
I’m realizing for me, that is the perfect goal. See myself how those who love me see me. In my case, it was others who caused me to
break in the first place and I’ve been struggling to put myself back together…thankfully
with the support of these wonderful people.
But completely accepting how they view me and feel for me is the real
struggle. So that’s my new “resolution”…my
only one in fact. I’ve been told I’m
beautiful, smart, funny, driven, passionate, talented, etc…so I’m going to work
on seeing that in myself instead of just taking the compliment. The people in my life are my new mirror and I
look forward to seeing my new reflection.
