Let Me Clear My Throat...

Normally I try to write calm and rational posts, but today I need to use my soap box and get something off my chest.

Glorifying obesity is not a thing!

I have gained a good thirty pounds in the last year and am at the heaviest I've been in years. While I do look down and wish I didn't see so much stomach protruding, I'm pretty content with my body right now. I still feel cute or sexy when I dress up. I smile when my preschoolers tell me they like to snuggle my squishy belly. Babies fit perfectly against the curve of my chest and often fall asleep when nestled there.

I am not, however delusional. When my children ask if I have a baby in my belly, I tell them Ms. Jen just really like junk food and doesn't exercise enough. They know that my life choices have had an influence on my body. Though these things are no worse than how a majority of the world lives their life, I'm judged because my body type is affected more than some. I have to work harder than is commonly considered “healthy living” to lose weight so when I'm tired or depressed or just plain busy, health falls to the wayside. In our society, being fat is treated as a crime. Being comfortable in my own skin means I'm showing easily influenced people that this is a good life choice. In the long run, its not.

I have joint pain.

I'm easily winded.

I often have sugar crashes because I rely on coffee or candy bars for energy boosts.

I stay up too late and pay for it the next day.

This does not mean I don't have the right to be happy and content! It also does not mean that when I am being healthy that I look the way society thinks I should. Guess what, when I exercise regularly and eat whole and organic foods...I'M STILL FAT. I'm just a little less fat. I encourage healthy choices in my classroom, choosing their fruit instead of fruit snacks and telling them to go run instead of watching their friends do so. I want my students to grow healthy and strong, but I also want them to understand that all bodies are not created equal.

I also want them to know that it's okay to be unhealthy too if that's the choice they make. What matters to me, is that they let themselves live a happy life. Don't let anything stand in your way, least of all people who shame you for the size pants you wear while they lead the exact same lifestyle and just happen to wear a size two.

J.K. Rowling said it best:

“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.
I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…
I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’
‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’
What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!
I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.”

Be independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, or funny. Be fat or thin or tall or short. Be happy. Be YOU. 

Self Care

I've always struggled with self care. I push myself too hard, push my needs aside, then lash out because my needs haven't been met. It's been over three months since I posted about my depression flair up (or anything for that matter). My doctor upped my medication and for a while it worked. Lately I'm noticing more dips sneaking into my life highway and its taking a toll. I had my worst breakdown yet this weekend. I cried for four hours and parts of my face I didn't know could swell were swollen by the time I could calm down. I had to remind myself to breath because I kept stopping. My joints ached worse than they ever have in my life, which I have never experienced before with an episode.

My boyfriend was next to me all day but I felt alone and ignored. Instead of saying, “I need you to hold me for a little while, I'm not okay,” I passive-aggressively attacked him. Of course that helped nothing and he went on the defensive which made things even worse. These episodes are starting to happen more often and I don't know if it means my medication isn't high enough or is starting to show side effects I haven't experienced before.

I recently ended a friendship that I felt wasn't working for me anymore. It took me years to get to the point of calling her when I was having a rough time. Now I'm starting over and I felt like I had no one I could call as I fell apart buried in the blankets and pillows of my bed. I was open and honest with my co-workers on Monday when they asked how I was and every one of them offered to be there if I needed them and asked what they could do right now to help me. One of them mentioned she had today off and I should see if I could do the same. I've always had full disclosure with my directors so when I went in to speak to two of them about what I needed, they were amazing. One of them handed me her baby to cuddle while we talked. They made me laugh and told me that self care should be my focus right now. They made it work so I could take today to recover.

So far, I stayed in bed with my guy until 12:30 sleeping and snuggling. I got up and made a breakfast of tea, roasted potatoes, Canadian bacon, and onion / spinach / mushroom / cheddar scrambled eggs. We're going to go to the gym, not because I should but because my body needs to move and be strengthened to work out this stiffness and pain. Tonight, dinner will be salmon, asparagus, and mashed potatoes then maybe we'll go out and do something fun like play at the arcade or go mini golfing or something.

Need ideas?

I already feel better even though I made the choice to lose a day of pay (I'm out of personal time). Though I knew I had wonderful people in my life, I was able to be reminded over and over again. My baby sister called and talked to me for over an hour for the first time in a long time because I asked her to pray for me. My co-teacher was completely understanding about me not coming in and is letting me do the early shift tomorrow to get out a little early. A co-worker offered to get me a bagel or a soda while she was on her break. Another made sure I ate enough during the day because I told her I was having trouble making myself eat.

I preach self care from my body love soap box but I often forget to practice it myself. Do as I say not as I do, as my mother used to say. For your sake, take a day off, ask for what you need, take care of your body even if it seems like a daunting task. You are the only one who knows what you need, make sure you get it.

Happy Mother's Day!

I would like to talk about my biggest fan in today's post.

My mother.

I know, everyone says that, but I really mean it. She is this beautiful, loving, and wonderful woman with no shame (I mean that in a good way). My most vivid memories from my childhood are moments in which my mother is quoting movies in ridiculous voices or singing a song because something I said made her think of it. To this day there are certain songs that make me think of her and movie moments that make me smile.

She goes line dancing, wears halter tops, and maintains a beautiful garden with my father. A middle school teacher that her kids LOVE because she tells it like it is and pushes them to be their best. I think that teaching came so naturally to me because of being raised by her.

Tinkerbell is her favorite character and it shows through in her personality, they're both playful and sarcastic. She is obsessed with Disney and loves to go back to the parks as often as she can (especially when it means she can make us go on It's a Small World even though we hate the song by the end...). Her favorite color is purple and she loved to eat pretzels with a chocolate chaser. She can drink Jack Daniels without flinching and enjoy a nice glass of chilled blush wine.

I'm a very lucky girl to have the mother that I have and I know it.

Love you Mom!

Lose the Weight!

When I turned 30 in September, I felt completely off track. I hated my job. I felt ridiculous for still living with three roommates instead of on my own. I didn't know where my life was going. Its been a total 180 degree spin since then. I've been fired, hired in a completely different field, moved in with my boyfriend, paid off my car, and applied for a two year apprenticeship.

I've moved in with someone I care about and we're doing really well despite the lifestyle adjustment. I spend my days working with eleven 4-year-olds coloring, teaching letters, and saying things like “please do not touch your friend's body.” Its amazing...AND hugely different. Everything happened so fast and soon I noticed myself slipping back into the depression rabbit hole slowly. Getting angry with my guy over minor annoyances and starting fights. Starting my day grumpy and being short with my kids. “Treating” myself to a soda or chocolate in the afternoon to soothe my nerves. I get a free gym membership at my job that I have never used because I'm so exhausted every day. When I went to my follow-up appointment to check in with my doctor about my anti-depression medication, I knew upping my dosage would need to be entertained and I was curious as to how much weight I had gained.

When I stepped on the scale, my breath caught when the three digit reading began with a "3" for the first time in years...

Then I sat down so the nurse could take my pulse and blood pressure. As usual, all of my vitals were right where they should be. I was healthy. No one was concerned. Least of all, me. When my brain got over the initial horror of the idea that I was once again over three hundred pounds, I was over it. No self hate. No shame. No tears. No plan to change my whole life. I knew I had gained weight, there was no way I could stress eat like I was without that being the end result. Despite the amount of weight gained, emotionally I was fine. 

I realized haven't had a legitimately negative thought about my body in MONTHS. When I dressed up as cat woman for our Saturday Morning Cartoons show last weekend, I skipped the corset to save my boyfriend the stress of trying to strap me in. It wasn't because I didn't want him to have to see the sausage stuffing process I knew it would be, it was because I didn't feel the need to cram myself into a shape I wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I fucking LOVE corsets. I love the back and bust support I get. I love that I can literally motorboat myself because my boobs as so perky. I love the beautiful patterns and designs that I've splurged on. This month I opted to paint on my fake vinyl legging, arranged my boobs in a purple tank top, zipped my biker vest, slid on my ass kicking boots, painted my face, and added some ears. I was hot as hell and didn't care that I didn't take the time to flatten my jelly belly.

I'm finally where I want to be, no longer my own worst enemy. I will still work to reign in the stress and work toward a healthier lifestyle. I will still lament the lack of incredible and affordable clothing in my size. I will occasionally still wish my stomach was flatter and my arms didn't jiggle so much, but it is no longer the battle it once was. It is no longer a struggle to post something on this page knowing that I don't practice what I preach. I'm starting to live by the words I advocate.

LOVE!

YOUR!

BITS!

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. Five years from now. Right this second. The when doesn't matter. Just keep reaching for that place where you love who and what you are. You'll get there and it will feel AMAZING. Like the weight of the world is off your shoulders...because that is what that is. The WORLD is what tells you that your are imperfect and in need of correction. We have enough weight to carry of our own, don't take that on too. Your body mass is all you are responsible for. Let the rest of it fall off and move on from it. I promise, THAT is the greatest weight loss you will ever achieve.

Style Icons - Vera Wylde

 Guest Blogger #3 for "Absolutely Me" Month - Vera Wylde

Vera Wylde is a model, burlesque performer and cross dressing advice video blogger. Off stage she's known to be quite a geek and a shameless flirt.  (Taken from her Facebook fan page)

How do you describe your style?

As simple a question as that should be, I never know how to really answer that. My sense of style is largely informed by my life as a performer, so it can tend to get a little over the top sometimes. This is doubly so leading up to a show. But on the occasions I find myself just going out and about I suppose I aim for a kind of playful/casual look. Just a snug t-shirt and jeans much of the time. It's a look that works for me because it hugs my body in the ways that I like. See what I did there? That's my elegant way of saying I like shirts that really hug my tits. 

I've also gotten a bit more easy going about letting my geek flag fly in terms of what kind of shirts I go out in. The fact that I have to wear my glasses (something I don't do in performance) probably fed into that a little bit. I think in lots of ways my going out style has become a marriage of what I try to bring to a stage performance and what I'm liable to just be laying about in around my house. It's a happy medium of the glam and the casual geek.

Where do you find most of your pieces?

Much of my shopping these days is done online. Amazon is usually the starting place and from, though I'll drift about the specialty sites for something in particular. I used to go out and shop in stores more when I was in New York. Part of that was just there were many more options for places to just pop into and browse around. Pickings in the Northeast Kingdom are a bit on the slim side. Though honestly most of the stuff I used to get in brick and mortar stores were what I consider to be basic essentials: jeans, tank tops, the kinds of things that you use to build a look but aren't really the look themselves. Since I've got a good stable of that kind of stuff I don't really need to go into brick and mortar stores anymore. That said, if I'm out and I happen to see something that catches my eye, I'm not above hitting the dressing room to see if it's worth getting.

Who/what inspires your looks?

At this point, just whatever I'm feeling that day. I've built up enough of a wardrobe that I can accommodate however playful, geeky or moody I might be that day. I've never had a style icon in terms of somebody I've strived to be. But I take certain attitude inspiration from P!nk, aiming for that "I don't really care what you think, I know I'm awesome" vibe that she's so good at. Another bit of an attitude inspiration is actually Jessica Rabbit. I've never tried to look like that, but I remember just being in awe of the power she had walking into a room and thinking "I want that." I don't go about getting it the same way she does, I don't have the hips for it. But I do try to command a space in that same fashion as best as I can.

What struggles do you face in society when people see you out and about & how do you handle it (be it positive or negative)?

I don't know because I really make a point of not caring. Well that's half true, I care what people think. Of course I do, everybody does. If we truly didn't care what people thought, we'd never change out of our pajamas. I suppose a more accurate way to put it is that I've adopted a "I know I'm awesome" attitude when I'm out. I know that's kind of a cocky thing, and if you play it wrong it can be bitchy even, but for me it's invaluable. Basically I've found that as long as you act like what you're doing is perfectly normal then nobody gives you crap about it, at least not to your face. People who are liable to bully you want to know that they can, bullies seek out the weak. So it's when you're out and have an unsure or tepid attitude that you become vulnerable. If you just go for it all out the people who might otherwise bother you tend to leave you alone, and the people who dig what you're doing will be all the more impressed. This attitude has served me very well, because in all the years I've been out I've never had a direct confrontation to what I was doing. The most has been an occasional "what the hell" that somebody tossed over their shoulder, and I can brush that off easily enough.

Any tips?

Don't be afraid to change your look. Mine has been ever evolving. When I first started going out in public I tried to emulate the other girls I was seeing, which didn't really work for me. I ended up going goth for a while, which actually worked quite well. But I allowed that look to soften and evolve over time and was careful to not lock myself into being "goth" or "punk" or whatever. Remember, the goal is to form a style that reflects you, not to force yourself to conform to some style template that only partly represents who you are.

Why do you do what you do?

Because it's too much a fundamental part of who I am for me to ever stop. It's not the only side of me, and it's not the only way I ever leave the house, but I do this because it's me. It's the reason to do anything really, do it because it's true to you and it fulfills you in some way. Because if it becomes more of a burden than a pleasure you need to stop doing it. There's work involved in all of this, to be sure, but it's worth it on the days I choose to do it.

Style Icon - Skye of My Kingdom for a Hat

Guest Blogger #2 for "Absolutely Me" Month - Skye

 

Skye of My Kingdom for a Hat is someone you would remember passing on the streets of Burlington.  Her colorful outfits and one of a kind accessories make a statement that says, I wear what I love and I love it.  Here is what she has to say on her sense of style.  What she says below is exactly the point I'm trying to make during "Absolutely Me" Month.  -Jen-

 

 

How do you describe your style?

 

I just plain like interesting clothes. Crazy colors and patterns, pieces that have something really unexpected going for them. (That's part of why I dye my hair pink: it automatically adds an unexpected component to all my outfits!) In practice, my definition of "interesting" tends to mean "rockabilly or flapper chic". So even though my style is distinctive, it's pretty predictable.

 

 

 

Where do you find most of your pieces?

I'm mad about vintage. I haven't shopped at a non-secondhand store in over a year. I find it unsettling to walk into a fast fashion outlet and see dozens of the same piece hanging on the walls. I much prefer digging through piles of miscellany. And I like rescuing often quite valuable historical pieces from retailers who have no idea what they're worth, or sometimes literally from the garbage.

 

Some of my favorite places to hunt: Battery Street Jeans, Old Gold, The Classy Closet, Junktiques, Shalom Shuk.

 

 

Who/what inspires your looks?

 

Most of my outfits are homages to old-time nightlife. Flappers and pinups and courtesans - oh my! My headscape is basically Moulin Rouge!. I'm also 1) pagan and 2) super into Halloween, so I definitely have my witchy phases. Sometimes nothing feels better than a swishy black cape.

 

 

I also have a great respect for the historical value of my clothes. Reproduction, for me, just won't do. I love knowing how much has been thought and felt and lived in my clothes before I came to own them.

 

As for specific style icons, the first three that come to mind are Hilda, Courtney Brooke, and the ladies of Advanced Style.

What struggles do you face in society when people see you out and about & how do you handle it (be it positive or negative)?

I've always been fairly oblivious to social cues, so most negative attention just rolls off me. I'll bop down the street with headphones on and not even notice the stares and catcalls. Oblivion is a gift sometimes. An older man did come up to me once and sneer "too much lipstick, doll." But that's far rarer than the good stuff. Little girls love me. They think I'm one of their dolls come to life.

 

Any tips?

 

I'm huge on properly dating vintage and not getting fooled by reproduction stuff. There's far too much to say here, so I'll direct you to the "on vintage" section on my blog, wherein I break down how to analyze vintage garments.

 

Other than that, I avoid giving "style tips". Your style is your own. I'm not about to tell anyone else what they should feel most like themselves in. Fuck the rules. Mix colors and patterns 'til the cows come home. Or don't! If you feel like a goddamn bombshell in that dress, who cares if it's considered "flattering"? At the end of the day, you're the only one you have to answer to.

 

Why do you do what you do?

I can't not! I have a lot to say. Some of that happens to bleed through into my sartorial presentation. I have to live color and whimsy and art. I don't really know any other way.

Style Icon - Callista Rugo of Superlesque

 

Guest Blogger #1 for "Absolutely Me" Month - Callista Rugo

Jen has been asking me to collaborate with Love Your Bits for quite some time now.  Over at Superlesque, I'm writing weekly on my adventures as a burlesque dancer, retro lifestyle maker, and crafter so I have always loved the idea of teaming up with such a positive blog.

Then a few weeks ago, she sent me a request to write something for "Absolutely Me" Month, naming me a local fashion icon.  I was really flattered and honored to be invited to write for Love Your Bits with my 50s housewife meets hipster flair.

I have a list of questions to answer in no particular order:

How do you describe your style?
For the most part, I go for 1950s housewife but on my off days I have a tendency to go hipster or modern chic.  My wardrobe is mostly dresses and skirts with some functional jeans and t-shirts.  Every day is occasion to dress up, except for my No Make Up Tuesdays (because Tuesdays suck).

Where you find most of your pieces?
The bulk of my pieces I make myself.  I grew up doing medieval recreation and learned how to sew and costume construction about 15 years ago and have kept it up ever since.  I get my fabric at JoAnn's but my current obsession is getting bed sheets at thrift stores like Goodwill and making dresses out of them.  It's economical and good for the environment!  I also have a pile of dresses that are 80s-tastic sitting at home, awaiting repurposing.

The pieces I buy are typically standard pieces like leggings, camisoles, and cardigans that you can pick up pretty much anywhere.  I love the cropped cardigans from Old Navy and the price for leggings and camisoles are excellent at Walmart.

Specialty pieces are few and far between.  Since I have a much narrower waist than my bust, I have a hard time finding clothing that fits.  I have a series of dresses from Charlotte Russe that are a bit retro and great with a pair of jeggings.  However, my current favorite obsession is eShakti.com.  I have had to stop going there and looking at dresses or I would be forever poor.  This company makes a ton of retro-style dresses that are wash and wear up to size 36(!!!).  If that's not enough for you, for about $10, they will custom fit the dress to your measurements.  They also have sales going on almost all the time so it's worth a peek.

My make up is a motley crew of drugstore finds and Sephora buys and I have to admit, my favorite items are ones that I spent more on.  They stay the longest and have the cleanest look.


Who or what inspires your looks?
I am constantly inspired by the 1940s and 50s.  With my narrow waist and ample hips and bosom, modern boho chic or street wear don't exactly flatter my figure.  My ideal silhouette is the Dior New Look hourglass with fitted tops and big, voluminous skirts.  Lately I'm getting more into 1940s fashion, World War II, etc.  I grew up with the classic musicals and movies of the 40s and 50s so those were always my fashion icons as a kid.

 

With my adventures in burlesque, naturally the pinup comes up.  AND I LOVE IT and consider it a big inspiration in my style.
 

What responses do you receive in society when people see you out and about & how do you handle it (be it positive or negative)?
The overwhelming response to my outfits has been positive.  My Callista dress and its sisters have gotten me many a shout out in the mall or walking down darkened streets.  I have actually been stopped a couple of times by strangers to compliment me.  When you think of how many people ignore each other in public, I call that a massive achievement.

The only time I have ever negatively been impacted by my clothing decisions is from a house down the street from me, but the people who live there are a little off so I don't take it too much to heart.


Any tips?
1)  You don't have to go to a repro site like ModCloth in order to find retro finds.  I have a swallow sweater that I got from Hot Topic (and I love it).  I have a pair of retro white shoes that I got at Famous Footwear, not to mention my heels from Payless.  Keep an eye out and you'll find great vintage-inspired designs.

2) Buy only clothes that you like and want to wear.  Staples are always going to be necessary and relevant to your style so an extra tank top or pair of jeans will likely not go amiss.  But that shirt that you think you *might* be able to pull off?  Let it go.

Here's a perfect example:

I used to go to Tee Fury every day and see what shirts they had.  And I loved it.  I bought my Asgardian Absinthe and Invader Flakes shirts and reveled in my possession of them.  Every day I was looking at t-shirts and every once in a while buying them on a whim. 

And then I stopped and thought about it. 

I don't *actually* wear t-shirts.  Most days I'm in a dress or a skirt and, though that women's cut Doctor Who t-shirt is gorgeous, I'm not going to wear it.  Maybe you shouldn't be tempted to buy it and just stop going to the website.

Then I funneled my money into Goodwill and get a lot more for my $12.

3) LEARN TO SEW.  This is a skill that will get you far if you want unique pieces, even if you don't want to go retro like me.  If you want something unique, figure out how to make it and do so.  You will always have something no one else has if you made it.  Once you learn how to sew, the possibilities are endless.  I made my niece a dress for her fourth birthday and told her she was the only girl in the world to have this dress.  According to her mother, it's always in the wash because she's always wearing it.  If something you make becoming a prized possession isn't enough for you, I can't convince you to sew any more.

Why do you do what you do?
Because I like it.  I dress up for no one but myself.  This is a style that for years I had mentioned that I wanted to do either in passing or in serious conversation with friends and family.  I finally sat down and decided to do it and couldn't be happier.  My style brings me joy and recognition and it truly feels like a reflection of my inside brought out.  I am only met with smiles so if one girl dressing timelessly is my price to pay for a sunnier Burlington, I'm okay with making that sacrifice.